500 Calories a Day? No Way!
Today, I learned of one of the dumbest diets I’ve ever heard of. I don’t know if anyone’s written on it, but it was so shocking to me, I had to give my own take.
I was sitting outside of the dentist’s office, waiting for my brother to come out after his root canal. In front of me was a chiropractor’s office and on the door there was a sticker that said “Skinny Up sold here!” Did you wince at the name? I did. So, I did some research on my handy-dandy phone.
The HCG diet amounts to getting daily injections, or ingesting daily drops, of human chorionic gonadotropin (a hormone found in pregnant ladies) and eating just 500 calories a day. No exercise needed, apparently.
My first reaction? Of course you’re going to lose weight! You’re only eating 500 bloody calories a day! You’re starving!
The Skinny Up website mentions a Dr. Simeons a lot, who did his research in the ever-so-modern era of the 1950s. And it’s not like we’ve made any scientific or medical breakthroughs in the last 60 years or anything, so his research is totes legit, guys! And Dr. Simeons called it a cure, which is why after 50-60 years of his miracle cure there aren’t any more fat people today.
*pounds my head on the wall*
Yeah. If it were really a “cure” do you think there’d be any fatties? Because honestly? I don’t.
Not only that, but the website also does all of us poor fatties a favor in a few paragraphs titled “Injustice to the Obese.” And some of what it mentions is true. Fatties are accused of cheating on diets, greed, gluttony, lack of willpower, and sexual complexes. The paragraph goes on to say that when a fat person is hated on like this, they stop believing in doctors and the outcome is always the same, “a further gain in weight, resignation to an abominable fate and the resolution at least to live tolerably the short span allotted to them.”
Yes. My body is abominable! Like that fatty fat fatass snowman!
My whole life is abominable! (Is it just me or is that the most melodramatic word in the English language?)
And because I’m fat and have given up on all things scientific and medical, I can only hope to live a mediocre life and die at… I dunno… 32. Because non-fat people never live a short life. Non-fat people never have mediocre lives. Fat causes people to be unhappy. Fat causes people to not take trips to Paris or sing karaoke at a bar. How weird to learn that it was my fat all this time and not actually the stigma and hate put on me because our society that likes to demonize fatties?
So because I, as a fatty, am hated and have had, in their own words, injustices brought against me, I need to change. Not society. I have to limit myself to one meal a day and take hormones and live by a “protocol.” But society? Nah. They’re fine.
In whose brain does this make sense?!
So that was my shock and horror for the day. I’m sure I’ve missed a lot on that website, but after a while I couldn’t read anymore of their bullshit.
All of this from a little sign that shared a window with a larger sign exclaiming the dangers of (of all things) flu shots.