With the big V-day at hand, my thoughts inevitably turn to love and romance. I started thinking about the whole dating scene (and being so incredibly thankful that I’m not in the midst of it anymore, due to a contented state of matrimony) and some of the situations I encountered when I was single, young, and, naturally, fat.
I’ll never forget this one time… it was so offensive, but comical at the same time, that I just had to laugh. I was a teenager and I was hanging out with a couple of my girlfriends on the corner. One of my friends (the thin, pretty one) ran into a guy she knew, who happened to be with his own friend, who was this chubby, awkward, dorky guy (he wasn’t dorky because he was chubby — he was just dorky because he was a dork). We started talking with them – well, it wasn’t really a mutual conversation, to be fair. My friend’s acquaintance was really only interested in talking to her, which he did, and ignored me and my other thin, not-as-pretty friend.
Then the dorky guy starts talking about how there is some car show going on that weekend and he actually had the balls to ask my thin, pretty friend if she wanted to go (which was like asking Donald Trump if he wants to eat at McDonald’s). Naturally, she said no, but this guy was not to be deterred. Next, he turned to my other friend, the thin, not-as-pretty one, and asked her if she wanted to go. She said no.
Then — get this — he turns to ME and mumbles, “How about you?” I was so appalled that I didn’t even answer him. I just shook my head, chuckled, and walked away with my friends, thinking, The fucking nerve of this guy! I could not believe his audacity. Did he honestly think I would say yes after being his obvious third choice and last resort? I had to give him credit for his temerity, if nothing else, but that incident always stayed with me, and just reinforced how big girls are always picked last, if at all.
Another time, not too long afterward (I was in my late teens) I went out with my sexy, hunky neighbor. I’d been eyeing him for ages and used to joke around with his married uncle, who came to visit his family often and flirt with me across the fence. He kind of “encouraged” his sexy, hunky nephew to ask me out, which he did, and he took me in his hot sports car to some dive bar. That’s not what bothered me, because at the time I could care less where we drank, as long as I didn’t get busted for being underage (which I was). What bothered me was when we were going into the place, he walked ahead of me and let the door swing shut behind him, right in my face. I literally stopped in my tracks and thought: WTF? Then he opened the door and looked at me curiously, as if to say, What’s the holdup? I realized then just how uninterested he really was and I also realized it was due to my size. His complete lack of manners and interest really erased any appeal he had for me at that point, despite his skintight jeans and hot body. He even tried to hit on my friend (the same thin, pretty one in the story above) right in front of me once. Would he have done so had I been thin like her? I seriously doubt it.
I realize that thin women aren’t immune to jerks either, but I believe that large women encounter them far more often. I still remember the complete lack of interest from guys my own age, and how easily they were captivated by my friends with the “right” bodies. How absolutely devoted they were to the girls with the right-sized jeans, no matter how bitchy, stupid, or superficial they were.
Thankfully, once I was able to detect these kind of boys/men (men like this really are still boys) I was able to narrow my focus to the men who did appreciate and deserve me, start developing a memory bank full of great romantic memories, and eventually meet the man who was to become my husband. But lemme tell ya, these two little stories are nothing compared to some others I could tell you. But let’s save those for another time.