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Dipshit McGoo —

March 9, 2012
by

Remember Doofus J. Dingleberry?

Well, he’s back with his knickers in a twist again.

Over what? Over the only thing he’s ever twisting his knickers with: fatties.

And in particular, me.

I gotta say, I’m flattered Doofus, but I’m happily married and you aren’t even close to my type.

So, since we’ve learned that Doofus doesn’t want us to use screen caps and or altered screen caps, then I guess I just have to link to the Facebook post to verify that somebody did indeed speak the following words. And Doofus’ best buddy, Dipshit McGoo, Queen of the Ostrich People, chimes in with a little wisdom of her own.

But I besiege you, I besmirch you, please do not look at the name attributed to these words, as Doofus is a very private individual and he does not like the idea of having his name associated with his opinions at all.

So, I guess Doofus likes to lurk in these neck of the woods because he’s been reading what I’ve been writing and he does not like it. He does not like it one bit.

In particular, he’s offended by my critique of the “Stop the Cycle” snuff film. Was it because I  dismantled their claim that 80% of obese kids become obese adults? Or was it because I questioned their motives for going from an awareness campaign to another awareness campaign despite Ron Frieson saying there was only one awareness phase?

No, it would be too easy to respond to the posts that argued against the ads in a reasonable fashion. And Doofus doesn’t do easy.

Instead, Doofus decided to tackle the third post, a commentary on the anachronisms of the commercial that I posted on a Friday because I save Fridays for fluff and nonsense, like today’s post.

What follows are Doofus and Dipshits’ conversation on Facebook with my words interspersed:

I’ve watched the ‘Stop the Cycle’ video & found it very powerful. Then again, you find The Bachelorette powerful. What a shame the moderator of web site which is against what S4L is doing completely lost the message. Wait, the moderator of what website? The moderator instead focused on minor errors in the actual video itself! Does this moderator have a name? Or is his name The Moderator? Or if you say his name three times does he come out of your bathroom mirror and kill you? The moderator takes to task if said person is 32, certain things would not have been available in the time frame as seen in some of the video! To be honest, I’m kind of surprised Doofus got this much right. Go Doofus! He also thinks S4L is targeting him personally as he proudly states he’s 32, 5’7′ & 275lbs! Well that was a short-lived victory for reading comprehension. I very distinctly said that I’m 265 pounds! I’m not sure “pride” is the right word. Honest, maybe? Indifferent, perhaps? To say that I am proud of my body mass is kind of a stretch, though.  He’s also questions ‘Mom’ .. MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT! she doesn’t seem to have aged in the 32 years. Well, technically Doofus, she hasn’t. I’m more commenting on the fact that whoever did makeup for this commercial forgot to add some time to her face. Too bad he doesn’t realize live a healthy lifestyle, you just might benefit & keeping the aging process at bay: So Doofus’ theory is that the mother in this commercial is living a healthy lifestyle, but she’s still shoveling fries in her baby’s face like he’s a woodchipper? I know women in their mid 50’s who look as if they’re in the early to mid 40’s! I know women in their mid-90s who look as if they’re in the early to mid-80s! Not to sound sexist, they’d also rock a bikini too! So would my older ladies. He, well, looking at his photo, I thought he was several decades older than said 32 years of age! Is he right? I mean, I guess he’s talking about the photo on my profile. How old do you think I look?

Suggestion: instead of panning/putting down anything S4L publishes, why not start exercising & get on a healthy lifestyle; Sorry Doofus, but when you’re 275 pounds, the only thing I’m capable of is panning/putting down. It’s called Fat Panning, and it’s a serious, life-threatening condition. Warn all your friends. walk around the block as a start each day for at least an hour … Yeah, but what do I do when I get there, Doofus? Should I call a cab to get home? You need to give me more instructions, here. And what is this exorcise you mention?

Dipshit’s turn!

I saw that also and “they” (the creatures living in her head) picked apart almost every aspect of the video even noting the age of the microwave, stainless steel appliances ,granite countertops all proving it couldn’t come from this 32 year old who had the heart attack and his life leading up to it. I believe what I said, Dipshit, was that Jimbo Fatty was a time traveler who lives with his mother.  Talk about “not seeing the forest for the trees!!” She said as she ran face first into a spruce. Again, some people really don’t want to change, are in denial and/or are making excuses to stay stuck in their own obesity. Stuck in my own obesity? Who am I, Krang?

That is sad. *single tear* I say it’s a powerful video and all can learn from it, if they have an open mind. I believe you mean “small mind,”Dipshit. In another thread someone questioned whether or not a 30 year old man weighing 300 pounds could have a heart attack and that it seemed unlikely. Uncited anecdotes are my favorite. In another thread I read that Dipshit is a fecalpheliac. I wonder what the doctors would say? The doctors would say, “Dipshit, stop calling us about this thread you read. Seriously, you need to move on with your life now.”

And back to Doofus.

Athletes, ice hockey players, baseball players, football players, soccer players just to mention a few have suffered fatal heart attacks. Wait, healthy people die of heart attacks? What are you saying, Doofus? Do you want to cause panic in the streets? Why does one think a 30 year old person weighing 300lbs isn’t a candidate for a heart attack? I heard it was because he didn’t get enough signatures to get on the ballot. Said person just might be a prime candidate for a heart attack. Doofus, you’re talking about a theoretical 300 pound person that Dipshit thinks she read on a thread somewhere. You’re going in too deep, man. Again, denial. I’m thinking, at 5’7″, 275 lbs. what CAN one do? Oh, not much. They usually just roll me around the house like Violet Beauregarde. Would they be able to race hi-performance go-karts, single seater race cars, stock cars, STOP! Okay, there’s a longer list ahead, but I just have to stop Doofus right here and say “What in the ever-living fuck are you talking about?” Can I race a “hi-performance go-kart”? Oh, I don’t know. I think I could sit in a tiny car and push the gas pedal. I drive one of those great big ones on the highway every day, does that make me an athlete too? 

So, I took a peek at Doofus’ profile and lo and behold, the man’s an Olympian.

Yes, not since the 1983 Montreal International Shriner’s Convention have we seen this level of athleticism. Thank goodness Doofus has been able to maintain his trim physique, lest his flesh flap wildly in the violent wind currents and catch in the motor beside him. Some would drive by this track and say, “Ha Ha! Look at the losers!” but I say, “Stand back and witness the majesty, the courage, the strength and the stamina of the noble hi-performance go-kartist!”

I kid Doofus. I’m actually quite jealous that he gets to indulge in this hobby. I once looked into hi-performance go karting and were it not for my crippling morbid obesity and the fact that you have to sign a contract relinquishing your dignity, I would have done it.

play ice hockey, football, baseball, track & field events, golf, curl, any form of running, 10K to marathon distance, horseback riding, tennis, kayak/canoe, hike upwards of 12mi. climbing hills, water or snow ski, snow shoe in the winter, soccer, take part in triathalons … First of all, running a marathon is not a prerequisite of health, neither is being athletic or doing any of those things listed. While people who participate in those activities may be healthy, you don’t have to do any one of those things to be healthy. Personally, I go to the gym because it’s close to home and it’s all I have time for between work and family. But that’s just me. I know there are tons of people who are fat AND participate in these kinds of activities, so if that’s you, please share with Doofus, as I’m sure he’d like to know. as I’ve said, they could but first they have to lose the weight & to do so, it requires a major re-evaluation of ones life styles. The most significant re-evaluation being do I want to go through this bullshit again to lose 5-10% of my starting weight for about two years only to regain it and possibly do more damage to my heart? Or would I rather eat healthy, get exercise and stop giving a shit whether the Doofuses of the world think I should lose weight. Deciding when you’re strapped to a gurney on the way to the hospital following a massive heart attack isn’t the time. I’d like to strap Doofus to a gurney and roll it down Lombard Street. It seems no matter what S4L says or promotes, this particular group will always be belittle them by any means possible. What? Why I would never belittle… oh, okay, you’re right, I do belittle people who defend $50 million bullies They want to think they’re healthy .. ok, they’re healthy ……. yeah, right! says the man in the tiny car. S4L has laid out the ‘tools’ for a better & substanially better lifestyle than they are presently living .. Strong4Life has laid out some tools all right, start with Doofus. if they want to refuse the assistance, that’s there choice. I feel the same way about Spellchecker. (Also before any of them go on the rampage, yes, I have done many of the events I’ve listed …. ) Yes, Doofus is the epitome of the modern athlete: brave, strong and…

Afraid of rain?

Seriously Doofus? You’ve got a jacket, gloves and helmet on. WHY ARE YOU HOLDING AN UMBRELLA?

I cannot even put into words the thoughts I have looking at these two pictures. What is this?

I searched for answers in his quotations. Let’s take a look, shall we?

  • Statistics are like a bikini; there’s a lot of information available but the main information is still covered! Spoken like a true anti-intellectual. Who originally said this, Dubya?
  • To finish first, you must first finish! It’s like a zen koan.
  • Finishing second is only the first loser! I hate to break it to you Doofus, but even if you win the race, you’re still a loser.

And for the record, ladies, Doofus does not appear to be married and his does list that he’s interested in women, so catch that train before it departs.

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2012 5:24 pm

    I know I should say that’s not nice etc etc, but I was laughing so hard I was crying at the go kart bit. 😛

  2. Theresa permalink
    March 9, 2012 5:32 pm

    Happy Friday, Shannon! My weekend begins with a good laugh, thanks to you.

  3. vesta44 permalink
    March 9, 2012 5:32 pm

    Yeah, Doofus 1 and Doofus 2 live in a world where only the thin to “normal” sized people are able to get out and about and actually do anything. In their world, fat people have caretakers who feed, bathe, clothe, and support them and said fat people aren’t capable of doing any of that for themselves. Too bad that’s not the real world in which the rest of us live. And I hate to tell him, but all of those things he listed, that fat people supposedly aren’t capable of doing, are of absolutely no interest to me. Well, other than horseback riding, and I used to do that, even when I weighed 350 lbs. Wasn’t a problem for me, and wasn’t a problem for the horse – ya know, those horses that jousters ride? that’s the kind of horse I rode. If a horse can carry a 250 lb man wearing 80 lbs of armor while galloping down a list, I don’t think my weight was that big a deal at a walk/trot/canter. And I used to roller skate even when I weighed 350 lbs (until my knee got too painful). I also went to college to become a mechanic and had to carry my own toolbox – that fucker weighed 50 lbs and I carried it from my car to class every fucking day and back to my car every day, along with my books (and I weighed about 300 lbs at the time). So, Doofuses. it is possible for fat people to do all kinds of things while fat. I worked, went to college, raised my son on my own, built bookshelves, worked on my car – I can replace brakes, exhaust systems, rebuild carburetors, overhaul engines, replace alternators, change tires, etc. And all of that – I’ve done while living life as a fat woman. So take a big flaming cup of shut the fuck up – neither of you know what the hell you’re talking about. You just hate fat people and refuse to admit to yourselves or anyone else.

  4. March 9, 2012 5:38 pm

    I especially love the way you included a typo in “teh” singles pitch part of the post especially after calling him out on his not using spell check, as if to say, if he is your boy, then you to don’t speak two good! But seriously, where would we be without a sense of humor about some of this because it can be so exhausting and so tedious to battle the battle over and over. The adversaries are the same the names are just changing. Today’s Doofus is tomorrow’s Goofus. (Remember Goofus and Gallant?) We should do a spoof of Goofus and Gallant with the S4L as the theme. 😉

  5. March 9, 2012 6:16 pm

    Oh my…I’m in luuuurrrve!!! Just look at that stud muffin in his little sporty car! 😉
    I’d say more but I have to waddle my horrendously fat ass which can strangely move at normal speed out to my normal sized car that I fit myself into via Tardis technology because otherwise it would be impossible for it to hold all that lard, right? Then I have to drive for about an hour to pick up my slim son, whom I must have stolen at birth because children of fat parents always become fat. We will grab dinner at Arby’s real quick because he just worked an 8 hour day, mostly on his feet, and I have to work tonight. I will then take him home to his apartment, where he will go to bed. Then I will go over to my place of employment and barely squeeze my incredible amount of lard into the therapy pool and somehow manage to work out in spite of being too gargantuan to move.
    It’s amazing what I can do at 300-ish pounds, because apparently according to Super Genius, people my size aren’t supposed to be able to do more than sit in front of the TV stuffing our hideously fat faces.

    • March 9, 2012 6:18 pm

      It is nice for a person with fibromyalgia to be able to work at a place with a therapy pool. It prevents the extreme soreness that can be caused by higher impact exercises.

  6. LittleBigGirl permalink
    March 9, 2012 6:56 pm

    Huh. So fat people are incapable of doing physical activity. But we’re supposed to exercise to shrink our fat selves….*brain implodes*

    When I was taking my dance class this week, no one told me to stop because I was too fat to do it.
    In fact, when I signed up to become a licensed dance instructor, no one told me to take my fat and go home.
    When I enrolled in massage school, we learned how to take care of ourselves when we were doing this very physically taxing work – none of the self care involved losing weight, just good posture, strong core and awareness of our bodies. Again, none of my teachers pulled me aside and told me I should find a more “fat friendly” occupation (like maybe getting paid to sit and watch tv while I ate bon bons?).
    I have ridden horses.
    I am trying very hard to think of something that a person would be unable to do because they are fat. Nothing is coming to mind…oh yeah I know what fat people have a hard time doing – being taken seriously when they do any physical activity, because they’re fat!
    In fact, all the struggles I have had with my fat have been from outside factors i.e. other stupid people treating me like s**t. My fat doesn’t hold me back – but fat hating people sure like to try.

  7. lifeonfats permalink
    March 9, 2012 8:55 pm

    Doofus should have seen me when I was a nursing home activity assistant. That job is a literal workout—you’re on your feet 7 hours out of an 8 hour workday. You’re pushing residents—not only inside the home but I also took walking trips with them. Sometimes I had to lift them and I was always on the go. I would come home exhausted every single day. I’m also over 300 lbs too. Nobody had to call for a gurney and a cardiologist either.

  8. bronwenofhindscroft permalink
    March 9, 2012 9:18 pm

    As a fat person, I have: hiked mountains (okay, they were the small mountains of North Carolina, but still…), roller skated, rode horses, biked (I was actually training to do a cross country ride, but had to give up that dream due to lack of fundage, NOT because I was too fat to do it, I also had to use a bike as my sole form of transportation in Tulsa for about 6 months back in the mid-80’s, and yes, I was fat then, about 210lbs), walked 4 miles a day (as exercise) for over a year, participated in Karate to the point of earning my 4th belt (so far), and learning some cool stuff with weapons forms. My favorite form of exercise is swimming, and I’m about to start going to a local pool that is basically a lap pool only (can’t wait!).

    And, other than people on the side of the road making issues about me engaging in the crime of “Being fat while exercising”, I’ve never had anybody tell me I couldn’t do what I was obviously doing.

  9. Duckie Graham permalink
    March 9, 2012 10:16 pm

    If I had been drinking milk when I read “fecalpheliac,” it would have come out my nose!

    For the record, at 300+ pounds (I’m not sure of the exact number because I don’t weigh myself anymore), I hike, I stand for most of my full time work day, I boogie my bootie when it’s called for, I can lift and carry more than nearly all other women I know, I can run up 65 stairs, and I’m seriously considering adding 5-10K s to my fun….oh, and by the way, I also spend every work day literally saving lives.

    In a tag-team wrestling match, I think Atchka and I would totally take down Doofus and Dipshit…. a joint stint on Jeopardy wouldn’t even be a fair fight….I feel sorry for them, really.

  10. Daisyhalos permalink
    March 10, 2012 5:09 pm

    Dingleberry has bothered me for weeks. I was banned for commenting on his groin post, so am unable to join in his ridiculous “conversations.” I have, on more occasions than he deserves, read his posts. One things jumps out at me repeatedly. He only speaks of his own experiences, It’s all I, me, my…about himself as a child, never his children or his experiences in parenting or actually caring for children. There are no photos of him with children on his profile — just photos of him doing childish things. He seems to be so invested in S4L, spending what would appear to be hours writing nonsense about himself and his baseless musings. For my life I cannot imagine his attraction to such an activity, and can’t get past thinking it unnatural and just plain weird.

    • pyctsi permalink
      March 12, 2012 12:52 pm

      Maybe he’s not having any luck on dating sites and is hoping that this will help him look caring and cool and get him a date, pity the only person who really seems to like him lots appears to be married…

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