Fat Acceptance Is Always There For Me
Trigger warning: Brief mention of struggling with ED thoughts.
I haven’t been up to writing too much lately. Pretty early, I went from writing bi-weekly to monthly. The truth is that I deal with some pretty severe depression stemming from post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder.
More and more I feel overwhelmed and unfit to speak for anyone, let alone the fat community. I feel small and insignificant beside the greats, like I’ll never live up to my idols and I fear running out of content or losing the ability to write.
Unfortunately with bipolar disorder, depression isn’t the only demon I face. Extreme anxiety and feeling like the world is crashing in is also common. I feel like I’m terrible at anything and everything.
Worse, I find myself facing older demons such as eating disordered thoughts, especially every single time the doctor, whom I see often for my thyroid, takes my weight. She even recommended a diet book which I didn’t realize was a diet book until I bought it and started reading.
What do you say to that? “Gee, thanks for wasting my money on a useless pile of crap”?
Being fat isn’t hard. Being fat when all of society hates you is hard, and being fat when you deal with crushing depression that has you internalizing that hatred in a very serious way is really hard.
And still, I’m at a better place thanks to Fat Acceptance. At a much better place than I was before I found it, when that internalized hatred would have turned me toward dangerous thinking in more ways than one. In so many ways Fat Acceptance has saved my life.
I know this is a short and sort of off-topic post, but I just wanted to say thank you to Fat Acceptance and everyone in it. I may not always be blogging and speaking up as actively as I have in the past, but someone will be and that someone will be changing lives.