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Effing Puto —

July 23, 2012

Do you know who Sheriff Joe Arpaio is?

If not, bless you for not knowing and you should close this tab immediately and not read another word. Your life is much better off not knowing this piece of shit exists. I mean, there are far too many pieces of shit like Sheriff Joe Arpaio out there, but what makes him particularly special is the fact that he’s a piece of shit in a position of power.

Joe Arpaio is sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, one of the largest counties in the United States, which encompasses Phoenix,. Scottsdale, Mesa and Tempe. A person like Joe Arpaio shouldn’t be allowed to write a fucking parking ticket, let alone be running the county’s law enforcement community.

Why not?

Well, for one, he’s also a racist asshole whose brutal immigration offensive has created an unprecedented campaign brutalizing Latinos, including both American and Mexican citizens. In fact, on December 19, 2011, Arpaio’s law enforcement officers beat a Latino military veteran with a history of schizophrenia, Ernest “Marty” Atencio. They beat him and tasered him, and when he collapsed, they put him in a cell, naked, for 11 minutes before realizing he was nearly lifeless. Paramedics responded and he was taken to the hospital, where he died two days later.

Before anyone defends these assholes, Marty Atencio’s autopsy showed no drugs in his system, despite claims that he was on crystal meth. Atencio did not physically attack anyone. And if you need proof of that, just watch the entire eight minute surveillance video and tell me this was justifiable force.

Be warned, the footage is disturbing.

Now, Atencio’s family is suing Maricopa County and Phoenix for $20 million. Among their evidence in the wrongful death lawsuit, this photograph of law enforcement officers who beat Atencio laughing after they dumped his body in a cell to die.

Then on June 3, another Latino died in Sheriff Joe’s custody, the fourth in all.

Law enforcement officers claim that Raymond Farinas choked to death on a peanut butter sandwich. But when they told this to his mother, she expressed doubt since her son was allergic to peanuts and would never eat a peanut butter sandwich. According to the local station, his mother saw unexplained injuries:

“I saw he had a cut on the forehead,” Ramirez told KPHO. “On the top of his eye right here there was a big bruise. He had a large lump on the side of his head. On the back part of his arm he had bruises like they had hit him with something.”

The sheriffs office claims there were no bruises on his body, but his girlfriend claims she saw cuts and bruises on his body at the funeral home. An autopsy is pending.

And while Sheriff Joe’s immigration crackdown has become his primary focus, other crimes have been pushed to the wayside. According to the December 9, 2011 New York Times:

His deputies failed to investigate or conducted only the sketchiest of inquiries into hundreds of sex crimes between 2005 and 2007, investigations by Arizona law enforcement agencies have shown. Many of those cases involved molested children.

Arpaio’s response?

“If there were any victims, I apologize to those victims,” he said on Monday, vowing to hold deputies accountable.

The reason for Arpaio’s inaction seems even more despicable:

Many of the cases originated in El Mirage, a working-class suburb of Phoenix, where the Police Department was disbanded in 2005 and the Sheriff’s Department was called in to provide policing. But when the Police Department was reformed in 2007, officials discovered that dozens of sensitive cases, many filed by illegal immigrants, had not been adequately investigated or investigated at all. A number of Democratic lawmakers, longtime critics of the sheriff, called on him to step down, a suggestion that Sheriff Arpaio dismissed.

Finally, the Justice Department filed a discrimination lawsuit against Sheriff Joe Arpaio in May 2012, citing a pattern of racism within the department and a policy of targeting Latinos on the sketchiest premise:

On the streets, Latino drivers were five to nine times more likely than their non-Latino counterparts to be stopped or searched, the suit asserts, for appearing disheveled or dirty or if it was deemed that too many people were in the back seat. Some were detained because they were said to have looked nervous or avoided eye contact.

Sheriff Joe calls himself the “Toughest Sheriff in America,” but it would be more accurate to call him the Biggest Asshole in America. And when you give the Biggest Asshole in America both power and publicity, they’re going to create a whole new definition for terrible.

Sheriff Joe doesn’t disappoint.

Because not only is he a sub-human shit stain whose lifelong inability to get an erection has fueled his campaign of terror against those he falsely assumes he’s superior to. If he were honest with himself, the only thing Sheriff Joe could continue bullying on the premise of his superiority would be a dung beetle. Sheriff Joe holds a narrow edge on the dung beetle, but only because of this fact: “Some dung beetles eat and lay their eggs on dung some other beetle has collected. The thief often eats the legitimate dung-owners eggs as well as stealing their dung.”

Despite the rumors, we are still awaiting similar charges to be brought against Sheriff Joe.

Sheriff Joe is on the right.

Sheriff Joe about to push a particularly large pile.

Now, I know there are a few of you who are thinking, “Hey, I thought you said you weren’t going to get political any more.” I’m not. This isn’t political. If it was political, I would have mentioned Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s weirdass birther investigation.

I also know that the rest of you are thinking, “Why the hell are you talking about Sheriff Joe? Yeah, he’s fat, but what’s the point?”

Well, namely, that…

You see, the other night, Sheriff Joe was flipping channels when he saw this clip from George Lopez’s HBO special (graphic language warning):

Of course, Sheriff Joe responded as one would predict:

“Get some guts. And come down here, and meet me face to face,” Sheriff Joe told a local ABC affiliate… “What, is he the spokesman for the open border people?” Arpaio joked. “See? I can be funny too. Now let’s see if he has the guts to meet me and I’ll be happy to take him to a Mexican lunch.”

I like George Lopez. I think he’s pretty funny. I’ve never seen his show or anything, but I’ve seen him in clips and he’s pretty incisive and witty from what I’ve seen. I have absolutely no problem with Lopez eviscerating Sheriff Joe Arpaio. I enjoyed that thoroughly.

The part that made me cringe was when he said, “Fuck you, you fat mother fucker.”

George, your anger is justified, your words are justified, your routine is hilarious, but can I ask just one favor of you, and any other comedians who stumble across this?

Can you please not lump us Fatties in with this monumental waste of flesh?

He may be heavy, but he ain’t my brother.

14 Comments leave one →
  1. July 23, 2012 10:09 am

    Puto isn’t strong enough for that waste of space. As someone who’s worked in the immigrant community and would like to do so again (learning Spanish!), this man is the devil. There are rapists and murderers out there and this disgusting pig sees fit to torture people who want to come to this country for a better life.

    Without getting very ranty: our immigration system is broken. We should fix it. And this THING should be thrown in jail to rot. For life. In the 120 degree heat of AZ. Wearing chains. Just like he does to the people under his two-bit rule.

    • vesta44 permalink
      July 23, 2012 10:32 am

      Don’t forget the pink underwear, he has to be wearing the pink underwear too (fuckwads like him don’t deserve to wear anything at all, let the Arizona sun incinerate him in that tented jail he created).

  2. LittleBigGirl permalink
    July 23, 2012 10:25 am

    *sigh* Of course. Not only is this guy racist and evil but he’s *fat*, yes that is the cherry on top of the insult sundae isn’t it? Because in this culture “fat” is the worst thing to call someone, and this ‘man’ deserves to be called the worst names possible. I’m sick of the whole insult-insult-insult-AND-you’re-fat-too, like that’s the trump card in the insult deck. I would rather Lopez (whose comedy I do enjoy) throw in more profanity than link Mr. Arpaio’s weight to his douche-baggery.

    A piece of shit is a piece of shit, no matter what it weighs. (He doesn’t roll shit he is shit, don’t insult the noble dung beetle by putting him even close to the same level)

  3. Fab@54 permalink
    July 23, 2012 10:29 am

    I have watched many George Lopez (HBO) specials over the years … but I have come to the conclusion with the last one I saw that GL is a fat-basher and a crude, low-intelligence, foul mouth pig. I don’t find his humor funny anymore. Why? Because it has seriously veered away from the self-depreciating, cultural (his culture, mostly) silly or thought provoking observations and ironies into the mean-spirited, cringe-worthy bully-ish bullshit that is his comedy “routine” now….
    He does not temper any of his harsh, (very often) misogynistic negativity with real, honest-to-god-ya-gotta-admit-that’s-true! humor.
    I can’t stand him.

    As for Sheriff Joe- My disgust for him knows no boundaries. Being a Buddhist keeps me from saying more than that. But trying not to THINK of different ways that poor excuse for a human being should be dealt with … well…. I’m trying.

    • vesta44 permalink
      July 23, 2012 10:36 am

      I keep thinking karma, Fab. He’s going to die and come back as an undocumented immigrant and run into someone who acts just like he did, with all the power and authority he had in his former life. Now that would be poetic justice.

  4. July 23, 2012 12:42 pm

    What a piece of work.

    Just fyi from someone who has made the mistake (loud and in public): before I moved to Mexico, I was happy to use the word “puto” because as I understood it, it was just a plain pejorative along the lines of asshole. At futbol games when the opposing team’s keeper kicks the ball, fans yell “ayyyyyyyyyyyyPUTO!” in a simultaneous cheer. Good clean fun. Unfortunately, I was mortified when a Mexican friend who knows me well said “hey, you know puto is a homophobic slur, right?”

    It doesn’t exactly mean fag, that’s *malicon*, but my Mexican boyfriend and several others confirmed it does have homophobic connotations at least in Mexico.

    “Pinche pendejo” (more or less “fucking asshole”) on the other hand is an entirely bigotry-free pejorative and, as it happens, totally appropriate.

    • July 23, 2012 1:29 pm

      Thanks for the clarification, Miss Plumcake. I thought “puto” meant something else entirely, and I only used it to quote Lopez, as it seemed a more apropos insult than “fat mother fucker.”


      • JeninCanada permalink
        July 24, 2012 12:17 am

        Now that she’s clarified though, shouldn’t you change the title of the post?

        • August 3, 2012 2:12 pm

          The post name is quoting Lopez, so I don’t want to replace it with another Spanish insult. Plus, I feel like “puto” is an insult in the way that “mother fucker” is an insult. The word itself is the insult, rather than its specific meaning. I don’t think anyone calls someone else a “mother fucker” because they want to imply that they really fuck their mothers. It’s just that “mother fucker” has become a potent insult in its own right. The context of it is secondary to the “fire” behind the word. Does that make sense?


  5. Janet permalink
    July 23, 2012 12:57 pm

    I had never heard of this guy but now that I have….it makes me believe that there has to be a hell somewhere for him to burn in.

  6. July 23, 2012 1:14 pm

    oops, typo. Fag is maricón.

  7. July 23, 2012 2:28 pm

    We have had a similar problem up here in the centre of the universe, aka Toronto, Canada. Our mayor is truly the worse piece of excrement you could possibly imagine. (why he got elected is another story entirely…) and he also happens to be fat.

    I am sad to say that many of his critics hold his fatness against him, just as much as the many, many, many stupid, stupid things he has done so far. Much as I find the man’s politics repulsive, I actually wrote a blog post criticizing those who link his weight to his utter disgustingness.

  8. vesta44 permalink
    July 23, 2012 3:20 pm

    I still don’t understand why people have to throw “fat” in there with all the other nasty things they say about douchecanoe fuckwads like Arpaio. There are plenty of thin people who are just as nasty as he is and they aren’t being called “skinny douchecanoe fuckwads” or whatever other synonym for thin you can come up with, so why do people think it’s acceptable to tack on “fat” as another epithet? There are much worse things to be in this world than fat, and Arpaio exemplifies all of them, and would even if he wasn’t fat, so adding “fat” to his list of sins isn’t really adding anything to the discourse at all.

  9. Jackie permalink
    July 26, 2012 11:24 am

    Ah of course. Fat jokes are the go to for bad and untalented comedians. You don’t see Lewis Black making these kinds of jokes, because unlike George Lopez, he’s talented. George Lopez should just stick to his little TV Show, and stop acting as if he’s a big enough boy to handle stand up. I mean clearly, if all he can come up with as an insult for this guy is that he’s fat, I guess he should be doing stand up for grade school bullies.

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