I’m Still An Integral And High Profile Member — I Swear!

It was only through the power of positive thinking that I was able to overcome my fear of being half naked in front of thousands of beachgoers this past week. While I was out roasting myself on the hot sand and cooling off in the ocean waves, I noticed something incredible: a sea of bodies of all shapes and sizes enjoying their time at the beach with loved ones, family members and friends.

Maybe there is some sort of magical self-acceptance window that miraculously opens at a certain point that allows us to work with what we have, as opposed to struggling fruitlessly and eternally with what people expect us to look like in the buff, but certainly the delightful folks at the beach this past week had stepped through it.

I’d like to think that my live-and-let-live philosophy when it comes to bikinis, buns and boobs was something that came naturally to me after a lifetime of feeling fabulous about my assets, but that would be a bit of a fib.

You see, for years my self-esteem relied almost entirely on the opinions of a small group of relentlessly brutal perfectionists — starting with my parents and continuing with friends and acquaintances who enjoyed nothing more than spending an afternoon pointing out how someone so “voluptuous” (their word, not mine) should probably stick to a one piece so their bits and pieces didn’t spend so much time spilling over the meager fabric coverings of their already taxed bikini. Ah youth!

Anyway, during my long and wonderful journey to the land of “I Can Barely Give a Shit” I learned how to perfect the art of how to let it all hang out in the sun while I greased myself up like a Thanksgiving turkey about to sit in the oven for endless hours, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t feel great.

I shudder when I think of those endless wasted days of my youth, absorbed so completely with the task of keeping my stomach sucked in that I forgot to look around and enjoy the people I was spending time with and the beautiful landscape before me.  So the next time you find yourself consumed with worry about what others are thinking on the beach, take heart. We love you just the way you are.