Don’t Trash the Old You
I was chatting with a friend the other day and I was telling her about certain things in my life that I’m not entirely happy with. She encouraged me, saying “You just have to think positive, you can’t let people get you down.” And then she said, “You have to create a new you… the kind of person who has exactly the life you want.”
I know she was just trying to be supportive, but the phrase “new you” bothered me. It suggested that the “old me” wasn’t good enough or that my current self is someone I need to cut myself off from, like a toxic relative or friend.
I don’t want or need to create a new me. I love me. I honestly and truly do. If other people don’t like me the way I am… oh well. There’s the fucking door, whoever you are.
Like every other human on this planet, I do not have an ideal life. There are certain circumstances in my life that I wish were different, but I would never want to change the fundamental person I am. If I could magically change the circumstances in my life that I’m not entirely happy with, would I? Of course I would. But it doesn’t mean I want to discard anything about myself now. It wouldn’t change who I am inside. I would still be the same person, and I think that person is pretty damn cool.
I have no desire to jettison my “old” self. I have no desire to create a “new” me. I would love to manifest an “Ultra Super Deluxe” version of me, which is simply an amped up version of the amazing person I have always been (and please don’t mistake my self-love for arrogance… I am not arrogant. We are ALL amazing people and we simply need to acknowledge that.)
So many of us believe that because there are things in our lives that aren’t working the way we want them to, it makes us failures or losers; that there is something defective about us that needs to be trashed and that we need to create a whole new being from scratch. Our size is a perfect example of that. Many of us have experienced pain and difficulty, in one way or another, solely because we are fat. But even if I had a magic wand that would suddenly make me thin (and thus, acceptable to the mainstream) I could never discard my history, my weaknesses, my failures, my regrets, my unachieved desires. They are a crucial part of me. Even if I were thin, I would always be a fat girl.
I say embrace your so-called faults. Hug your failures. Love your fears and sadnesses. Don’t hate them. Don’t make them your enemy. What we consider our weaknesses or failures are actually incredible teachers, guiding us to where we want to be. Respect them, love them, and thank them. Make them your allies, not your enemies.