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No Diets, No Fear

May 6, 2013

Cross Post

Back when I was thinking of starting a fat acceptance blog I thought long and hard about what I was going to name it and eventually settled on what you see when you visit; Fat and Not Afraid. Fear is something we’re all familiar with but something I am chosing to do the hard work to conquer. I wasn’t going to be afraid of my body anymore, the changes it makes, the way it looks or the way it looks attracting attention. Well, at least most of the time-I’m still working up the courage to buy a real bikini.

The thing is, where there’s love, it’s hard for fear to be there too. When you love someone and they’re in trouble, you don’t hesitate to help them, even if it might mean putting yourself in harm’s way. If my kids or husband were in danger my love would give me courage and strength to do the impossible. When you love yourself, there’s nothing you can’t do for yourself, either. Nothing is impossible, even giving up the yo-yo lifestyle of dieting. When I began writing I realized that I loved myself enough to stop being afraid, and by writing I’m passing that compassion on to others, hoping they’ll find their way to self-love, and away from fear. We say that if you love someone, you accept them for who they are. Why is it different when it comes to ourselves?

Fat and Not Afraid Sig

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. LittleBigGirl permalink
    May 6, 2013 9:33 pm

    I always loved myself…until other people told me I shouldn’t. Until other people told me that *they* didn’t love me. That they disliked me because of my body size. I didn’t understand why they didn’t accept my body size, or why they could accept me even if I was in an “unacceptable” body. I knew I was an awesome person.
    I have never been upset by my body, just by what other people think about it and how they treat me because of it.
    I wish I had been able to tell the kids in grade school who made fun of me to fuck off. I wish someone had told me that their opinion of me meant absolutely jack shit, and that if they didn’t accept me they weren’t worth hanging out with anyway. Then I would have wasted so many years hating my life because I was “defective.”
    As unhappy as I was, I knew deep down that the answer wasn’t to jump on the diet bandwagon. I knew if people didn’t like me if I was fat, they wouldn’t like me skinny – and if they did they were shallow and I didn’t want to be around them.
    I have never been afraid of my body – I have always been afraid of being rejected for my body or rejected for loving my body.

    Being fierce means not being afraid. 🙂

    • May 7, 2013 10:07 pm

      I can relate. I realize that the only reason I’m self conscious about my size is because other people keep telling me I should hate myself for being this size. Screw them. I can do everything I need to do.
      Of course this doesn’t mean the messages don’t sink in sometimes, because they sure do. I just don’t go doing things like hitting, cutting, or starving myself any more.

  2. Happy Spider permalink
    May 6, 2013 9:54 pm

    Why do you say that where there’s love there’s no fear? Right now people I love are driving around in cars, zipping around in horrible, horrible, deadly cars. They could have heart attacks. The kids could have some stupid, stupid accident. Cancer could come and just take someone away, after a couple of months of terrible suffering. Some day I’ll just be sitting in my house, all content, and then the horrible phone call will come that will turn everything to ashes. Don’t you ever quail in the face of all that fear and think that it would be better to live all alone in the world with no love at all than to bear the grief that will inevitably come to you? Fear. Boy, do I really hate fear.

    • May 6, 2013 11:36 pm

      … no. I don’t. Because that’s not life at all. That’s existence. And what the hell is the point of existence if you don’t use it for anything?

      I loved my cousin. We were really close. She got cancer last April and died in December. Do I regret getting so close to her? Fuck no, because of the good memories I now have. I’m sorry if I seem too harsh, but honestly, what an asinine statement. Fear is a part of life.

    • Elizabeth permalink
      May 7, 2013 10:34 am

      CC said it all, but I’ll add the whipped cream. I can’t imagine living in fear. Grief and loss and change are part of life, and they will come to you no matter what you do. When one embraces life, stops living in one’s head, fear simply doesn’t matter — it’s the little thing you feel before you jump off the cliff into the lake, before you start a new class, before you put your foot in the stirrup and get on a horse you’ve never ridden before. Once again, one of my favorite Buddhist sayings: Neither hope nor fear alters the seasons. Which means, if that doesn’t make sense, life goes on whether you cower in fear or fantasize with hope.

    • JeninCanada permalink
      May 10, 2013 11:59 am

      I meant more that when you love YOURSELF it’s hard to be afraid of that self as well, afraid of your size or shape, what your body is or isn’t. Living your life too afraid to really be YOU isn’t really living at all.

  3. May 7, 2013 10:05 pm

    Yo yo dieting is the worst. I did it well into my forties. What a waste of time! I’m so glad I discovered size acceptance.

  4. Dizzyd permalink
    May 9, 2013 5:11 pm

    HS – I know what u mean. NO ONE wants to get that call. I can understand if you’re scared. I know I wouldn’t know what to do w/o my hubby. But don’t let it keep u from living. There are all sorts of good things out there. And you have the best person to go thru it with – yourself! I’ll try to keep it in mind myself. 😉 The rest of you – lay off! We all know it’s painful to lose someone we love. At least HS is honest! She may be going thru something and DOESN’T NEED TO BE ATTACKED! Esp. on a FA site!

    • May 9, 2013 5:16 pm

      If it’s attacking someone to cut through the touchy feely bullcrap, then I’m attacking someone. If you live your life in fear, you are not living.

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