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Weight Stigma Awareness Week Almost Goes Unnoticed By Busy Lady Wearing Pajamas

September 25, 2013


While some writers have spent the entire week meticulously researching and formulating thought-provoking pieces to appear in their respective publications in honor of (or perhaps in response to) Weight Stigma Awareness Week, I had to be reminded and hit with the cattle prod several times by Shannon to even get me started.

You see, it’s not that I don’t care about these things, it’s just that I am the kind of idiot who remains forever blinded by the inborn refusal to deny my own awesomeness in a crisis.

Me? Stigmatized? No.

Actually, I’ve been kidding myself. By virtue of my own gender and age, I’ve probably already been dropped into a thousand different judgement bins by the constant stream of passersby who are forced to encounter me on a daily basis.

Are there any core guidelines that run like DNA strands through the collective judgement of the masses that would put me in or out of the running for any number of things in the courtrooms ofStigma their minds?

Absolutely. We are a get-out-there-and-do-it-looking-good-or-be-marginalized nation that feels obligated to comment and even punish those outside of our comfort zone. And honestly, anyone who is running down the street in skin-tight yoga pants and a sports bra better be 95 pounds and rippling with a profound and impressive musculature. Otherwise people will be gouging out their eyes and writhing with agony in their wake.

Honestly, in this day and age when people are dying in the most unspeakable ways all across the earth, we still have to remind others to treat their fellow humans with dignity and respect and it’s incredibly sad.

Weight is something that is deeply personal with all sorts of life experiences attached to its rise and fall. To be judged and mistreated based solely on that number, with every other positive aspect of your humanity tossed out the car door on the roadside, just reinforces the terribly long way that most of humanity still has to go in accepting people as just people. Nothing else.

Now, if someone is a terminal asshole and an unrepentant disgrace, then feel free to judge away. Perhaps even send an nasty email or two. But far be it for me, or anyone else, to belittle others based on the scale.

All kidding aside folks, this week is important.

Think about your attitudes toward weight, health and the stigmatization of those who fall into the obese category. Do you have the biases and are you willing to give your beliefs a challenge?

Our big, bad, diverse world is a place where everyone should feel welcome and alive. Use Weight Stigma Awareness Week as your jumping off point.

62 Comments leave one →
  1. LittleBigGirl permalink
    September 25, 2013 1:59 pm

    Wow. Just. Wow.
    I feel like you hacked my brain. How did you reflect *my* feelings so clearly in *your* article? Now I have to delete another submission because you covered it better and first. ;-p Well – you can’t take the way I wear my hat away from me! Oh…I don’t have a hat on right now. Hm. Well, if I did you couldn’t copy it. But I’d probably be jealous of yours anyway.

    What was my point again? Oh yeah – you rock. 😀
    I love the metaphor of judgement “bins.” And I am yanking you out of the bin and putting you on the Awesome Pedestal With Scenic View where you belong.

    Thank you.

    • dufmanno permalink
      September 25, 2013 2:13 pm

      Ha! I never do anything first OR best (ask Shannon;)) mostly I stand on the shoulders of the giants who throw the big punches on this issue.
      I think most decent human beings feel very much the same on this subject so don’t you dare delete!
      I think the more like minded humanity we get on this- the better;)

      • LittleBigGirl permalink
        September 25, 2013 6:28 pm

        Okay I did delete, I just have to pick another of my hundred ideas to work on. 😉
        “The shoulders of giants” put the most awesome image of a superfattie human pyramid in my head. XD
        I call bottom corner but I need knee pads…

  2. Jackie permalink
    September 25, 2013 7:38 pm

    I’m angry over on another fat acceptance blog, some bullies derailed a discussion of weight stigma week to remind fat people their movement is meaningless because we can change.

    I am absolutely sick and tired of social justice treating us like we don’t matter. I’m tired of them saying it’s okay to make fun of fat people, but us groups who have a degree of protection against hate can’t be touched. If you go to most online communities racist and homophobic comments are bannable offenses, nothing about sizeism. This means people who are non-white and GBLT get protection from hate fat people do not. Instead of acknowledging this, social justice wants to constantly derail fat people’s attempts at acceptance.

    They say enough of us haven’t died yet to matter. Oh, it doesn’t matter fat people are being murdered by being medically experimented on with WLS, because it’s behind closed doors. It doesn’t matter fat people cannot participate in society without harrassment. It doesn’t matter at all that the news will talk about other social justice groups respectfully, but fat people still are a joke.

    As of now the owner of the FA blog I won’t mention, so as not to send more chaos their way about this is AWOL. I’m sure they need a break from all the e-mails calling them racist, homophobic, without the slightest acknowledgement that people hear those terms and take it seriously. They apologize, and feel terrible when they are accused of such things. Fat people, oh they can change, it’s good for them after all. I’m really starting to wonder if fat acceptance should tell social justice if they help us we’ll help them, but if they keep reminding us no one cares about our struggles, we can get by without them.

    It’s up to the mods if they want to post this, or not risk being attacked like the other blog was. I just have had it. We can’t even discuss weight stigma week without a reminder nobody cares from social justice. It’s despicable.

    • September 27, 2013 9:34 am

      I hear you. I recently left one of those “social justice communities” for the same reason.

      It was one of those spaces where you can uptick or downgrade other posters’ comments, and I was pretty disgusted when one nasty-ass slam against fatties got over twenty upticks from people I (formally) respected. This is after the poster who made the initial shitty comment congratulated herself because even though she’d been scolded for similar comments before (neatly, preemptively turning her assholery into a form of self-sacrificial martyrdom) she just HAD to repeat them again.

      It was one of my favorite spaces, and now I can’t even endure the fucking sight of it. >:

  3. September 25, 2013 9:16 pm

    Reblogged this on Fat Feminist Activist Artist's Blog.

  4. Jen permalink
    September 25, 2013 9:21 pm

    The fat picture you posted looks comparatively thin to me.

    • September 26, 2013 11:20 am

      Jen, I chose the photo and did not do so to represent a particular size, but the groundwork for stigmatization, which is stereotypes and assumptions.


    • September 27, 2013 9:37 am

      I have proportions like that, and it sure hasn’t stopped jackasses from lecturing me about my “obesity.”

      • Nof permalink
        September 27, 2013 1:11 pm

        I’m *smaller* than the woman in the picture and I get lectured as well. The cutoff for “fat” varies from person to person but it’s very, very low.

        • September 28, 2013 12:05 am

          No kidding. Back in my Size 12 days, I really didn’t have all that much surplus flesh compared to now. It weirds me out that apparently a great many people consider a Size 12 to be “overweight.” o_0

      • September 29, 2013 4:55 am

        Generally speaking, that’s what my body looks like too, and I get concern trolled.
        My son, who is average weight, got concern trolled by my mother for having a teeny little chub roll. He’s 23 years old and at the point in time when she lectured him about getting fat was wearing pants from back in his high school days when he only weighed about 125 pounds at six feet tall. He’s gained about 30 pounds since then.
        I told her to back off and leave him alone. His self esteem’s pretty good, but she still managed to make him feel self conscious.

        • October 2, 2013 10:22 am

          DX I’m glad you intervened on his behalf. My own Mom hasn’t seen me in years. My excitement at possibly getting to visit her in a year or two is definitely tempered by the sense of dread that I’m going to be in line for “the fat lecture,” too.

  5. Dizzyd permalink
    September 25, 2013 9:23 pm

    “And honestly, anyone who is running down the street in skin-tight yoga pants and a sports bra had better be 95 pounds and rippling with a profound and impressive musculature. Otherwise people will be gouging out their eyes and writhing in agony in their wake.” LOL Awwww – the poor babies. Well, these are probably the same idiots who scream about all the no-good lazy fat people who sit on their fat butts all day eating Cheetos (yum!) and watching soaps to get off their fat butts and exercise, then scream like hyperventilating monkeys the moment any of those fat lazy behemoths goes tramping down the sidewalk leaving potholes in their wake in pursuit of exercise cuz OMG! It’s COMING right AT ME!!!! And it’s burning MY EYYYEEEESSSS!!!! Waah!!! Seriously, if our being out there doing what YOU IDIOTS SAID WE SHOULD BE DOING makes you so poor widdle baby upset, then go inside, crawl into your bassinet, and have mommy bring you your bottle of warm milk while you watch Teletubbies.

    • violetyoshi permalink
      September 25, 2013 9:30 pm

      Thanks, I feel better I’m not the only one driven to Daffy Duckesque levels of anger over the lack of compassion given over Weight Stigma Week by so many people.

    • September 29, 2013 4:56 am

      Bwahahaha!!!! Hilarious!
      I like the “Simply Cheetos” because they don’t have MSG. I’ll admit that I can kill a bagful within a couple of days…sometimes less.

  6. Dizzyd permalink
    September 25, 2013 9:29 pm

    And Jackie – you’re totally right! If social justice media sites for other stigmatized groups can’t join us in OUR fight for equitable treatment, then why should they expect that we’ll just cheerfully help them with theirs and put ours on the back burner? It’s really hypocritical of them, to say the least! After all, I’ve heard it said that discrimination against anyone is bad – I believe that it was the great Marilyn Wann who said to speak out against ALL forms of discrimination; because no one’s free till EVERYONE’S free!

    • violetyoshi permalink
      September 25, 2013 9:32 pm

      Thanks so much, by the way for some reason I’m able to post here on my wordpress account with Disqus again. I was so surprised, I nearly lost count of my gummy vitamins.

    • September 27, 2013 9:44 am

      There are already fat people involved in these movements, but if my bad experiences described a few posts above are representative, we don’t get any credit for them. I saw photos of fat people protesting against Wal-Mart’s shitty wages, fat women marching for the right to choose, etc. Somehow their fat never came up in either the articles or the comments below. It’s only when wrongs like police brutality were committed that it was suddenly time to start railing at fatties and how naturally that’s the kind of behavior you’d have to expect because FAT = EVIL!

      It really is vile. >:

  7. violetyoshi permalink
    September 25, 2013 11:29 pm

    TW: suicide

    I wanted to mention, every single time I tried to have a fat acceptance blog I was harassed by social justice bloggers demanding I made my blog about their issues. Not even suggesting posts, they just expected me to drop everything and make it all about them.

    I was cyberstalked, they found a picture of me online and posted it making me afraid to go out of my house. They dug up past posts I had made while I was coming off of being bullied from high school. They said I was playing the victim as they continued attacking me. Holding my past against me, which I could not change. I had social justice bloggers attempt to oppress me exactly had their oppressors oppressed them.

    They think fat people are their lackies, they know they can use and abuse them and others will support them in doing so. I think we simply need to say no to their Oppression Olympics playing. They get understanding, we don’t. They use their position of being more accepted and yes, privileged by society to hurt us, again, and again, and again. No more! They’ll just have to find a new group of people to abuse for the crime of having certain privileges they don’t. Making fat people feel like s**t does not forward their cause, if that’s how desperate they are to be accepted, by taking down the people on the bottom of the social justice rung, they have no right calling us oppressors. They have joined with the same people who if it wasn’t seen as negative, would turn right around and bully them.

    Those cyberstalkers made a person with Asperger’s Syndrome, socal anxiety, who was fat, afraid to leave their home. All because a fat person wouldn’t put their oppression in the back, because compared to other forms of oppression it isn’t important. Social justice people who hate fat people, for not dropping everything to cater to their causes, are oppressors! They have no right to be involved in social justice, while they oppress vulnerable groups to bring themselves up. You know who does that? Bullies. We need to call these Oppression Olympic players what they are, bullies, and give none of them our time or energy. They can GTFO, they’re not going to give us support, they don’t support us anyway. Not without extorting our feelings of safety, and gathering people up to bully us.

    Social justice is not, “You better talk about our issues, or we will round up people to harrass you, and we can do so because our causes matter and yours is a joke.” We need to say no to that, let them call us racists, homophobes. We can say, “All we did was tell them no.” Then who’s going to look irrational, who’s going to look like bullies, they will. Why should we have any empathy for people who gang up and exploit the weak, the defenseless? All because we speak the truth, fat is the last acceptable form of discrimination, and social justice wants it to stay that way.

  8. September 26, 2013 3:10 am

    Full disclosure: I’m a Jewish lesbian with multiple disabilities and I am fat. I grew up white in the South, and sometimes when people hear my accent, they assume I’m a redneck with redneck opinions. There are ways in which I have privilege and ways in which I don’t. What I am, really, is a human being.

    I’ve learned that it’s a hot button in social justice circles to frame arguments for less discrimination by pointing out that “you’d never get away with talking about Group X that way.”

    There are several reasons for this. One is that some members of Group X feel that that phrasing denigrates Group X (“Even as lousy a group as X isn’t treated like this.”) Another is that it suggests that things are just fine now for Group X, when in fact things are not just fine, despite the fact that you can’t say certain words in polite society any more. Even the fact that legislation is in place does not mean that their battles are won.

    The reason that carries the most weight for me is that it frames freedom as a competition between the fatties and the [insert name of group here] when in fact we all need better treatment. Other mistreated people are not the enemy.

    But even if I haven’t explained it well, and none of the above makes sense, it’s worth knowing that talking about oppression in terms of “no one would be allowed to say Y about Group X, but they can say it about us” is just going to get people all riled up. It simply isn’t helpful speech, because it doesn’t communicate what we want to communicate.

    As I understand it, our message is that all human beings should be treated with respect, without exceptions. This is not a zero-sum game, no matter who tries to frame it that way.

    • September 27, 2013 9:48 am


      It doesn’t take anything away from me as a fat White woman when somebody points out that Whiteness still offers some protection that a fat Black woman with similar issues wouldn’t get from the culture at large (no pun intended).

      violet is right when she says that some oppressed people behave like assholes, but it’s not oppression that makes them that way, IMHO. Maybe they’re just assholes.

  9. violetyoshi permalink
    September 26, 2013 10:27 am

    Maybe we need to focus more on what we do want. I’d like to be able to discuss fat acceptance without fear someone will show up and point out it’s irrelevant compared to other issues.

    I’d also like not to be triggered by oppression olympics arguments, because they send me the message I need to watch my back. That if I speak too proudly about myself as a fat person, I run the risk of being ganged up on and hurt. That if I want to escape fat stigma I should just become thin, and not dare complain about it when others can’t change.

    For clarification this is why I’m so easily triggered by oppression olympics discussions:

    This person went after me for a month while I apologized and begged them to stop. Now they’ve gone into victim playing mode, after being made to realize they were a cyberbully. Tumblr only supported them, and gave them tips on how to hide their behavior, so Tumblr not only refuses to police cyberbullies, they help them. They said based on posts I made at a racist website during a time I was so depressed only racists would welcoming would be seen by everyone, and no one would ever forgive me for that. I begged and begged for them to take it down apologizing over and over again, they wouldn’t. I’m so sorry I became involved with that, I wouldn’t have if I was in my right mind. If I truly was a racist, I wouldn’t be apologizing for it. I can’t even forgive myself for it. No one else will, they all think I’m a monster.

    So that’s why this was such a big deal. I hear them claim I’m racist, and think they’ll come after me again, they’ll ruin my life. I should be able to post in fat acceptance spaces without that fear.

    • Kala permalink
      September 26, 2013 1:43 pm

      You do realize, that apologies are not enough? It’s not as if you spoke from some level of ignorance or privilege and said something a bit offensive, you were in the Chimpout community, which is about as acceptable as Stormfront. I understand that you say it was a dark time in your life, but plenty of people somehow manage to deal with bouts of depression without hanging out on a website whose front page states “Our message is simple. N—–s are a cancer upon human society.” That’s not an oopsie, no heartfelt apology is going to make up for that in the eyes of very many people.

      I think it’s unlikely that you’ll ever have credibility as a social justice advocate of any kind, and the faster that you accept that the better you will move on in your life. That doesn’t mean that your life has no worth or that you can’t be a good person, as there are many more things to life than being an advocate or an activist. But perhaps paying the price for what you’ve done, which you admit was very wrong, includes taking a hiatus from being any kind of advocate at all. Or you can persist in what you’re doing and be rejected from community after community.

  10. violetyoshi permalink
    September 26, 2013 5:00 pm

    And in regard to oppression olympics.

    What you Kala and my cyberbully have been participating in is emotional abuse. There should be no place for that in social justice.

    • Kala permalink
      September 26, 2013 6:05 pm

      LOL, don’t be absurd. I love the links though, absolutely relevant and spot on (that was sarcasm).

      You once upon a time hung out on an extremist hate website, and as such, it diminishes all your credibility when it comes to equality and social justice. This has nothing to do with any “oppression olympics.” Your “apologies” might mean a lot more to people if you weren’t seemingly always in the deep throes of a personal pity party.

      My advice to you, given in a completely non-abusive manner, was to find some purpose that’s not advocating for social justice. Your past behavior essentially disallows it, or disallows it in such a way where you’d have any kind of traction for the messages you want to spread.

      You think that because you can’t have exactly what you want, and be received exactly as you’d like to be by other people, that you’re being abused. And that makes you delusional. I actually laughed at loud at the idea that you seem to think I’m threatening you.

      • violetyoshi permalink
        September 26, 2013 6:18 pm

        Well I’m not holding myself to my past any longer. I used to be like you. Laughing at other people’s misery, making fun of them for what they cannot change. The only way I can get past this is to forgive myself and move on, as it seems some people would rather make someone more miserable for their amusement, than have the compassion to forgive.

        I forgive you, and hope one day you’ll be able to make peace with yourself as I have. Until then you will only serve to hurt others as I once did.

        • Kala permalink
          September 26, 2013 7:11 pm

          You really are as other people describe you, projecting issues onto other people.

          It’s not about making anyone miserable here, it’s about pointing out to you the very obvious fact that you, as a racist or an ex-racist, have no traction as a social justice advocate. You don’t, and with the way you act I’m pretty damn sure you never will.

          • violetyoshi permalink
            September 26, 2013 7:31 pm

            If your goal is not to harm others, then why have you said such statements as, saying I deserve rejection, I am delusional, and that I don’t deserve to be a part of social justice? Maybe you don’t realize those statements hurt others. I still forgive you as you are speaking from a place of pain. You have to be willing to also forgive, until then your life will be tied up with endless grudges as mine was.

            Social justice can only be acheived through love, understanding, and forgiveness. I hope one day you will be well enough to provide support, however if all you are capable now is expressing your pain through harming others, you should take a break and find time to reflect.

        • Kala permalink
          September 26, 2013 7:48 pm

          It’s not about whether you do or don’t deserve rejection. I am saying that you ARE rejected. You are currently rejected and are on a vector to future rejection. It is an observation. You are not and will not be any member of note of a social justice community, not with your history. And with your distinctive style of writing and behaving, rebranding yourself under a new username isn’t going to keep you anonymous for very long at all.

          I do really think you are delusional. Your lengthy internet history up these very comments here today corroborate that.

          I’m not a social justice advocate, I’m not on Tumblr. I don’t have any grudge against you, I went and looked you up after you complained about being persecuted and was completely bowled over by your years-long internet history of highly abnormal behavior. The histrionics, the accusations you threw at others with no basis at all, the sanctimony, on and on.

          Why do you create this fantasy where you know me, and know that I’m in pain? And that I need reflection to find this inner love where I’ll stop hurting people? That’s laughable, that’s the most absurd and pathetic “waaah stop criticizing me” plea that I’ve ever gotten. I’m going to take a wild flying guess that I help more and hurt fewer people in my life than you do with your internet presence.

          Here I check out of this. You have some deep underlying problems, and no amount of reasoning or explaining from me is going to make an impact on you.

          Just don’t think that whining on this website about cyberbullying, when you have a history of online bullying and stalking yourself, is going to necessarily get you sympathy and validation from everyone here.

          • violetyoshi permalink
            September 26, 2013 8:02 pm

            How are you helping people by calling them names like delusional? Stalking myself? I’ve found the power within me to forgive myself. I no longer need your validation. I only was trying to help you find the peace I have, but apparently you’d just rather behave in toxic ways such as invalidating people’s realities by calling them delusional. I don’t think you’ll be a benefit towards anyone as long as you believe kindness is a competition, and that gaslighting and other emotional manipulations are fair game.

          • Kala permalink
            September 26, 2013 8:04 pm

            You seem to be suffering from some reading comprehension issues.

            • violetyoshi permalink
              September 26, 2013 8:23 pm

              Now you want to attack my intelligence? Is this the help you were referring to doing?

              • Kala permalink
                September 26, 2013 8:43 pm

                I never said I helped everyone and hurt no one, it blows my mind how you misread and misinterpret what others say to tyou. Take a step back and realize that not all my thoughts revolve around you personally.

                You read my comment incorrectly, I was not saying that you stalk yourself, I am saying that there’s ample evidence to show that you have a fabled history on the internet of stalking, bullying, and trolling.

                You take any criticism or disagreement as abuse, it’s impossible not hurt someone as contrarian as that. When was the last time someone disagreed with you and you did not get upset?

                • violetyoshi permalink
                  September 26, 2013 8:49 pm

                  I only was trying to help you.

        • Kala permalink
          September 27, 2013 9:20 am

          No Jackie, you are not trying to help me. You are making the same weak attempt at manipulative bullshit that you’ve tried on countless other people. I say attempted because maybe in your head these rhetorical gymnastics make some kind of sense, but in reality over here they fall pretty fucking flat.

          You’re incapable of any substantive apology about your deep and pervasive racism because you can’t admit that you were wrong. You play the depression card, say you didn’t really mean it, say you went along with it to get attention, pretend as if the only people that would accept you as a person were hateful dinguses. But shit like this:

          “I was thinking today, about interracial adoption. I remembered a time where there was a white family, with a adopted Black child who kept kicking my seat, and not sitting still. Now you know, most Black people are in denial that most if not all their kids, tend to act like they all have ADHD. Run around, can’t keep still, and annoy others.

          So I was considering, if Black people alone are in denial of this fact. Then White people who adopt a Black child, really must be clueless. You know, you can’t go up to them and say “Please calm your kid down, he keeps kicking my seat” They’ll whine “How can you be so racist!” Of course, they can’t admit your right, cuz then someone who’s Black, will probaly say “Oh look at that cracker, with that beautiful ebony boy talking smack about him! She don’t deserve him!” Note, I used the phrase cracker, cuz as we all’s perfectly fine for someone who’s a minority to use a offensive slang term to describe White people. When White people cannot even say one crictism towards someone who is a minority, without being called a racist.”

          This is some racist bullshit, and YOU MEANT IT. You meant what you said here, this was no attempt to fit in, you really did at one point (and easily still might) believe that black people are inherently inferior human beings. And your ideas on children and parents? That stuff is so messed up I could write some sort of thesis on that alone. And saying “OH WAAAAAH, I’M SOOOO SORRY” is not a critical breakdown of the fucked thought processes of yours that were wrong, it’s just an easy thing to say. Now you can continue to play victim when people don’t take you well, because you expended the breath to say that you were sorry.

          There’s a reason you have been banned from more online communities than I can count, there’s a reason you have to spend so much time scrubbing away your previous internet presence, there’s a reason that you at one point felt that the only people who would accept you were a group of extreme assholes. And the problem isn’t other people, it’s not emotional abuse, it’s certainly not me, it’s nothing but yourself.

          • violetyoshi permalink
            September 27, 2013 7:39 pm

            Guess the only way you will be pleased is by urging others to isolate me. It’s almost as if you’re the one who created the page on Tumblr.

        • Kala permalink
          September 27, 2013 11:31 pm

          It’s almost as if you came on here airing your Internet past expecting to get sympathy and validation from everyone, and were blown away when someone went and examined what you had to offer and took it poorly. Go fucking figure!

          • September 28, 2013 2:07 am

            Congratulations, you’re the official internet watchdog. Do you want a fucking cookie? What’s to stop you from ripping into someone who doesn’t have a checkered past because you don’t like the way they phrase something?

            You’re a bully, and an obnoxious one.

  11. September 27, 2013 8:34 pm

    Okay, um. Where did this social justice butthurt come from?

    Social justice warriors do a truly amazing job of othering the people they claim to care about. And Kala, for someone who says she isn’t on tumblr and isn’t a SJW, you sure do talk like one. Who the fuck gave you the right to pass judgment on someone in a public forum? Violet Yoshi is an Aspie, like me, and while it’s not an excuse for horrible behavior if indeed we do commit it, but we don’t respond well to people telling us nasty snotty things. I’ll spare you the history of autism, but if you expect an autist to act just like a neurotypical, you’re guilty of some ableist shit, so don’t fucking throw stones.

    I’ve told you before – if you have a problem with someone, maybe you ought to take some tact lessons. You talked shit about other people, and you talked shit about this person now, and I for one am fucking tired of it. I don’t come here to watch you rip someone a new asshole, I come here to read about fat acceptance.

    Stand the fuck down, shut the fuck up and go look for another blog if you’re going to turn it into a public pillorying of someone who just wants to talk.

    • Kala permalink
      September 27, 2013 11:37 pm

      Oh, I think we’ve got a badass over here.

      Other than your long distance diagnosis of me being on the autism spectrum, what else have you got there Cara? Is a personality disorder next on deck?

      I have tact when I care to have it, and I don’t always care to have it. Considering the sum total of all the interactions you’ve had with me consist of several comments on one website, I think all your reaching claims about me are a bit of a stretch. I, unlike Yoshi, did not invite you and the general public and provide you and the general public the ability to examine my past behavior and thoughts on the internet for the last several years.

      My first comment was frank, not mean nor nasty nor snotty, but when I got accused of all sorts of willy nilly things, I certainly upped it to mean.

    • violetyoshi permalink
      September 28, 2013 2:44 am

      I said this on another blog, it’s cruel to tell anyone they’ll spend a life of rejection, but even more so to someone with social difficulties. I participated in that blog when I was extremely depressed and so self loathing I thought only racists would accept me. Years later a person on Tumblr looking for someone to take their pain out on, cyberstalked me, posted my image, convinced me I’d never get a job, everyone would hate me, I was a burden to everyone…I ‘m not going to say what else I felt, but let me say it would certainly trigger others, and I’m pretty sure you can guess. This all was because I was trying to support fat acceptance, while being attacked on all sides that I wasn’t being inclusive enough.

      I didn’t expect for people to have the audacity to play oppression olympics during weight stigma week. I didn’t expect being called a racist and triggered. I shouldn’t have posted my cyberbully’s site to anyone, that was maybe some form of guilt born self-harm behavior. What I do know is the most cruel people towards me convinced me I could never be of help to anyone.

      When I saw similar statements here I was re-triggered. I don’t expect acceptance from everyone, but I can’t imagine what would bring someone to tell someone who’s likely on the internet due to social isolation, that they will face rejection again and again. It’s like why bother reaching out to people then. Why after so many years of desperately trying to find friendship which seems so easy for everyone else, keep trying. All that does is send me the message I should just go back to being alone, that I’ll only hurt people, that I am like the bullies who tormented me since first grade.

      I try to care about people and only end up being hurt time and time again. You’re telling someone over and over say what I want you to, but I’ll never let you know what I want to be told. Sorry is never enough, keep trying to figure out what I want from you. If I were Neurotypical I think, I’d know what this mysterious combonation of words is being demanded of me, but I never can figure it out. So completely helpless to resolve this situation, I dissociate. I want so mich to make things right, to stop people from hurting and I can’t.

      I would never tell anyone who’s been bullied all their life, they have become one. That’s like telling an abuse victim, you’ve become like your abuser. It makes that person want to scream and cry in the complete horror that they could hurt others the way they’ve been hurt. Yet they try to forge on. They try to function, they know others need them, they’re not this monster people say they are. A monster wouldn’t care about hurting others, they wouldn’t want to cry again and again wondering why, why can’t they just understand like neurotypicals.

      You know why I went to Chimpout, nobody understood my sound sensitivity, they did. Cults use a technique called love bombing, they make someone who feels rejected feel they belong there. I was vulnerable to that, what I said was a desperate attempt to fit in. For years people dismissed sounds could cause me excruciating pain, even people on Aspie support forums wouldn’t listen to me. I would go out, ask not to sit near kids, be humiliated to tears. I was told it was a family restaurant. I literally felt like I was being electrocuted when a child screamed. No one cared my pain didn’t matter, and that’s how I’ve lived my life, who am I to complain others have it worse.

      I have been rejected from groups time and time again for promoting fat acceptance, and I’m told this is what I should expect being rejected again and again. I’m surprised when I’m accepted, why should rejection be new to me. I fight again and again for a movement I believe in, and when I’m told that the person who went after me for doing so was right, to dig up my past, to silence me. They tried to silence us all by coming into our blogs, and reminding us of what we already know, nobody gives a damn about fat people. And on weight stigma week.

      They can’t even put their oppression olympics on hold for one week. When I see the people who silence us being defended, I wonder why I bother being a part of a group that stands down when people walk all over them. That cyberbullying site, that all happened because I tried to fight for fat acceptance. Those oppression olympics people know no one will care if we’re silenced. They know if they spread enough bad press about us, people will believe them. Being in a position to ruin someone’s life by claiming they’re oppressing your people, that is a privilege. It’s not an unearned privilege, but a privilege none the less.

      I find it beyond wrong knowing how oppression feels, to use your acceptance by a society that once shunned you to oppress others. That’s why I was so mad, and they’ve done it before to other groups, they continue to do so. And seeing us give in to their demands again, I wanted to beat up a virtual character, I haven’t been mad enough to take it out on Street Fighter in years. We have a right to say no ths isn’t your space, and people should respect that having come from years of being silenced themselves. It makes sense to me, why doesn’t it seem to to others? I spent years being bullied and told to shut up about my Asperger’s Syndrome, and I’ll be damned if I sit by and watch people do the same to fat acceptance.

    • Kala permalink
      September 28, 2013 10:14 am

      “What’s to stop you from ripping into someone who doesn’t have a checkered past because you don’t like the way they phrase something?”

      How about this Cara, I have really only one thing I’ve ever snarked about on this website, and it’s bad science writing. I am quite consistent. This current thing with Yoshi, as I said, she complained of oppression and invited us all to look at her past behavior, and expressed what I thought. She’s no victim of the “Oppression Olympics”, she’s a victim of herself.

      • violetyoshi permalink
        September 28, 2013 10:36 am

        No, I’m a victim of people like you. People who see someone made a terrible mistake, who apologize for it again and again, only to be told it’s never enough. Kala, you’ve antagonized me, reported me to Atchka, and now blame me for being a victim of a past where I was emotionally abused. I can’t keep trying to please those who will never be satisfied, and who cannot forgive. Do you want me banned from here? Will that satisfy you? What do you want from me? I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me? Why can’t you leave people like Cara and me who are trying to do good now alone? You’re not familiar with true racists are you, they wouldn’t apologize, they’d defend their actions. They wouldn’t cry over what they have done like I did. I made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes. Can we please drop this, or will you try to take everyone from me just like my cyberbully did?

        • Kala permalink
          September 28, 2013 10:51 am

          LOL, I did not report you to Atchka, let’s just say that first.

          This right here, Yoshi:

          This is manipulative as fuck, and you know it. Your bullshit might work on people like Cara, but just know that it doesn’t work on everyone.

          Let me repost what I responded to you with when you went to whine about me on Let it Out:

          ‘I only wish I knew what they wanted to hear from me.’
          It’s not about hearing anything, there’s no magical thing you can say to make up for what you’ve done in the past, simply nothing. That’s why you’re so bent out of shape, you seem to think that any actions, no matter how repugnant, should be resolved when you say that you’re sorry. It’s not about saying things, it’s about doing them. Have some fucking self restraint, stop pretending every action that you’ve taken that others haven’t liked is someone else’s fault, or no one’s fault. If you really aren’t a horrible racist anymore, explain how that is critically. Be honest and upfront about what you really did say and put out there on the internet, and explain how it was wrong, how you, Jackie, were wrong. And take a step back from social justice, especially if you can’t stop complaining about the “oppression olympics” and how all these social justice people discriminate against you, as a racist or ex-racist. Because you need to understand that the voice of a racist or ex-racist is in general going to be unwanted voice, and that you have no chance in the community as someone on the trajectory that you are on. Learn to take a criticism, don’t be instantly insulted by someone disagreeing with you, these all are actions, not easy things to say, that would make a difference for you.

        • Kala permalink
          September 28, 2013 10:58 am

          Also, you never apologized for being a racist. You concocted a story about being love bombed by cultists, and how they took you in and you acted racist to please them. That’s what you’re sorry for, you’re sorry for being taken in by those kind and gentle racists. You’re not sorry about blathering on about how black children are inherently more annoying than not black children, you’re not sorry for racist statements that you’ve made on and off of ChimpOut that you’ve mostly gone back and deleted. You’re not sorry for antagonizing people and accusing them of everything under the sun on the umpteenth online communities that you’ve been banned from in the last 5 years or so. You’re not sorry for pulling this kind of manipulative bullshit, where you play the victim and you try to convince Atchka and the general audience here than I’m secretly this cyberbully that’s stalked you all over the web. (Protip: Atchka is familiar with me, he knows damn well I’m not your cyberbully)

          • violetyoshi permalink
            September 28, 2013 11:07 am

            I am sorry for saying those horrible things I am! Well Atchka apparently is alright with people who are unable to forgive, who emotionally abuse the abused, and people who drive those who have made mistakes to suicide for a past that others cannot forgive them for. Is that what you want, for me to kill myself? All of this happened my past being dug up by a cyberbully, because I tried to fight for fat acceptance. Now I’m being held to my past and the mistakes I made when I was mentally ill, by someone who cares more about making someone pay. What kind of fat acceptance site beats up on someone who has been abused by cyberbullies, for standing up for fat people?

    • Elizabeth permalink
      September 28, 2013 2:18 pm

      I’m glad you said something, Cara, because this stuff deeply disturbed me. I have no sympathy with racism, but have as little sympathy with bullying. The only time I have seen this person comment is to tell someone else how very wrong they are.

      And, Kala, I saw nothing in Cara’s criticism that said you were on the autism spectrum. If you’re going to lash out at people, you might at least give them the courtesy of reading what they wrote.

      • Kala permalink
        September 28, 2013 2:37 pm

        She absolutely did suggest that I was on the autism spectrum. So don’t insult me by suggesting I just pulled it out of my ass.

        “I really wonder if you aren’t on the autism spectrum yourself at times (which is NOT an insult); you take everything literally and G-d forbid someone make a tiny mistake; you’re all over them like white on rice.”

        You’ll see me on here predominantly giving criticism, because literally no one else does. Everything is a “rah rah you go girl!”, regardless of how badly written the article is, how inaccurate, how much it is exactly like countless other articles already published. Articles sometimes get put up here that are on the topic of science that are questionable or blatantly incorrect, but once in a while I say something. More often I send a private email, but occasionally I shake it up with a comment because I think it should be known that not everyone accepts everything here as high quality writing or reporting.

        But you know why I’m still around? Try this:

        “Triple F bloggers and readers are thick-skinned and can handle ourselves just fine in a fray, thank you very much.

        We also take responsibility for the information we ingest. We don’t need someone to edit out the bad stuff. We know what bad stuff means to us and we are capable of avoiding it ourselves.

        We’re also capable of reading opposing viewpoints, controversial opinions, troubling statistics, unsettling anecdotes and all manner of uncomfortable information without taking it as a personal attack on my sensibilities or a reflection of the author’s morality.”

        “We are not here to cushion the reality of modern obesity. We are here to dig through the data — dig deep — and discover the essential truth behind obesity. We are here to ignore the hysterics and dismissals that have become so common on both sides of the War on Obesity.”

        No where does it say on the listed philosophy of this website, that this is a safe space to go where you will feel accepted. Where criticism is disallowed, or that criticism must be offered in such a way that it is couched and hidden in a pile of sugary sweetness. You are invited to read what you’re comfortable with, and if you’re not comfortable with it, maybe you shouldn’t read it.

        My initial comment to Yoshi, after she aired out all kinds of dirty laundry in a play for sympathy, was a call for her to take a step back from social justice and maybe work on herself before expecting a seat at the table. It’s not as if I’ve pulled the chair away from her, I have nothing to do with it, but she’s been rejected or ejected from countless online communities (from internet fandoms, social justice, autism advocacy, and straight up troll websites like the various ChildFree boards), and it has far more to do with the way she handles disagreement and plays the victim, than it does about her being fat, white, autistic, or anything else. Then I’ve been accused of about everything under the sun, and I defended myself and picked apart her claims.

  12. Elizabeth permalink
    September 28, 2013 2:15 pm

    Is Kala the commenter who defended Bill Clinton so vociferously to me?

    • violetyoshi permalink
      September 28, 2013 2:39 pm

      Sounds very likely.

    • Kala permalink
      September 28, 2013 2:41 pm

      Yes that was me. I still think alternative medicine is a bunch of crap, go figure.

  13. Elizabeth permalink
    September 28, 2013 3:22 pm

    Well, Kala, since you love Clinton so much and have such contempt for violetyoshi, I find you just a wee bit of a hypocrite. Bill Clinton, the governor of a state so toxic it had a cemetery called Babyland (in the news when he was running in the Democratic primary). Bill Clinton, the man responsible for the deaths of an estimated 500,000 Iraqi children (collateral damage said his secretary of state) through bombing Iraq’s water treatment plants. Bill Clinton, the man who repealed the Glass-Steagall Act, thereby eventually crashing the economy. Bill Clinton, the man who is now running about Africa committing wholesale genital mutilation upon tens of thousands of men, telling them it will prevent AIDS (which it does not). I doubt violetyoshi, no matter how bad the things she said, has ever actually harmed anyone, but you seemingly adore a man who has caused so much murder and mayhem, some of it glaringly racist.

    And who gives a fuck what you think of alternative medicine or anything else?

    Cara, this commenter has nothing to do with social justice. This commenter is someone who likes to pretend she is superior to ordinary people and drools over sociopathic trash like Bill Clinton.

    • Kala permalink
      September 28, 2013 3:40 pm

      You do remember why we were arguing about Bill Clinton, right Elizabeth? If you’ll recall, it had nothing to do with politics, and it’s interesting to me that you were too lazy to look up the actual conversation before you made a fool of yourself just now.

      It started out with you bodysnarking Bill Clinton, and saying he looked terrible and unhealthy and implying it’s because he lost weight.

      “I agree with the blog and the comments, and would like to add that Bill Clinton, who lost weight under Connie Mariano’s care, looks like absolute crap. He is five years older than my husband and looks 25 years older. I think there are many people out there, especially doctors, who think if they are thin they will live forever. I would also like to add that Chris Christie says he has been dieting for 30 years.”

      I replied with saying that Bill Clinton had many reasons to look like shit. You then replied with more diagnosis of Bill Clinton based solely on how he looked, based upon your interpretation of Eastern Medicine. In your mind, apparently ruddy cheeks is indicative of having poor gut health, which is quite the long distance diagnosis if I do say so myself. But here are your words:

      “There are people with heart disease in their mid-sixties who look much better than Bill Clinton. Being interested in Asian medicine, the cheeks are reflective of the gut. If they are red and inflamed, this means the gut is not doing well. The enteric nervous system (much larger than the central nervous system) resides in the gut and is responsible for running the body’s systems, including the circulatory system.”

      Basically, I insisted that he himself reports that he is in better health at this time, and that given his unique former position at the top of government and the stress that comes with that, you can’t just compare him to regular Joe health-wise anyway. You continued to assess based upon his looks and your understanding of alternative medicine, that he looks like shit and is probably unhealthy.

      The whole conversation is still here, for anyone to look at:

    • September 28, 2013 6:01 pm

      I’m not a fan of Clinton’s, either. But there’s a difference between well-founded criticism of his character (not to mention his sorry-ass legacy) and denigrating his physical appearance.

  14. violetyoshi permalink
    September 28, 2013 5:52 pm

    Looks like we have ourselves a troll here.

    • Kala permalink
      September 28, 2013 5:59 pm

      You’re really desperate to convince others of this, aren’t you?

  15. violetyoshi permalink
    September 28, 2013 6:20 pm

    I don’t have to convince anyone.

  16. September 29, 2013 4:33 am

    Reblogged this on Sly Fawkes and commented:
    Weight Stigma Awareness Week is incredibly important and I hope everyone who reads this will support and help spread the word.
    My body looks a lot like the body on the right, although I have a bigger caboose. This is the closest you all will ever come to seeing me naked. I know you are crying now.

  17. Peet permalink
    September 30, 2013 10:01 pm

    Okay sorry for butting in here but it seems like one or more of you has serious Asberger’s Syndrome, in which case it’s not really their fault for being a troll, it’s the admins fault for simply not banning them, and the fault of the rest of you for getting into a battle of wits with an unarmed person, and my fault for chiming in and… oh wait… Asbergers. Yeah its their fault. (lmfao) 0.0


  1. One Starving Activist

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