Freeze Yo Body
Thanks to everyone who has gotten us this far. Please support Casey in improving her mobility while fighting the fat haters by donating whatever you can afford. Read more here or click the image above to donate.
Trigger warning: Weight loss idiocy.
Welcome to today’s addition of Snake Oil Inc., where we lovingly sell you the best medical care your money can by. This week, there’s a brand new way to
screw up your body! er, I mean “lose weight.” Do you like the cold? Do you like water? Then you will love this: CoolSculpting!
That’s right folks, you can permanently damage your body’s cells by freezing them to death.
You see, by applying constantly cold water to your “trouble spot,” the cells freeze and burst, effectively destroying them. After a while, the dead tissue is removed by your immune system, because it doesn’t have anything else to do. Oh and don’t worry about pain; customers say your body goes numbs after 10 minutes!
Of course, this is only meant for body builders, athletes, and models, not for “the very obese.” Remember, it’s permanent, as long as you don’t gain weight. “Many people, after seeing the results from their CoolSculpting procedure, take even better care of themselves. However, if you do gain weight, you may gain it evenly all over your body, not just in the treated areas.” So don’t worry if you gain back your weight, it will be all even and you won’t even notice it! You will get “a new lease on life”!
Freezement of small areas runs for a cheap $600, while larger areas are a cool $1,200.
Get this while it’s hot hot hot!
These statements are, hopefully, sarcastic in nature. How awful is it that we have to abuse our bodies like this?