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You look so good with less weight on you

November 20, 2014

Weight LossFat HealthMy Boring-Ass Life

Trigger warning: Discussion of unintentional weight loss.

I had two new experiences at my last doctor’s appointment.

One of the things I love about my doctor’s office is that the receptionists will give me a copy of my blood work when I check in. That gives me time to go over it in the waiting room and make notes about questions I might have, rather than doing it on the fly in the exam room. I’ve looked at a lot of lab reports, but this was the first time I was happy to see an abnormal result. I had started to feel really bad about a week before the appointment, so it was nice to see that captured in my results. It also tells me that my body goes to hell long before I can feel it, but that’s a future entry.

The second shock I had was the discovery that I’d lost 8% of my body mass. I truly didn’t see that one coming since I’ve made no attempt at weight loss. I haven’t been on the ice in two months owing to a lack of equipment and being too exhausted to motivate Intestinal Distressmyself to do anything else. My digestive system is one of my immune system’s favorite targets and it’s been going in between extremes.

Some meals my system moves so fast that I may as well have cut out the middle man and put the food in the toilet. Other times, my system is so slow that food sits and ferments until I’m so bloated I have a hard time bending at the waist. Because of the bloating, I try to avoid wearing anything tight around the midsection. If anything, I thought I’d have to buy bigger clothing. I hadn’t realized how bad it was until I saw the number on the scale. Unfortunately, I was the only one who thought this was a bad thing.

My mother told me how proud she was of me for losing so much weight. She and my dad hold semi-annual interventions about the dangers of carrying so much weight on my body. My various ailments might have caused my size, but my size did not cause them. I simply lost the genetic lottery.

For what it’s worth, my BMI has gone from obese to obese. I’m not going to be approached to endorse a weight loss product any time soon. Still, other people have felt the need to comment and I’m left in a very awkward position.

I’ve had coworkers tell me I’m looking good. I guess my newfound svelteness keeps them from noticing the buckets of sweat I’m losing because I can’t regulate my body temperature. My friends liked my party dress, but made no comment on my being bent double for most of it because my bloat was so bad. My shipmates must’ve failed to notice the 20 minutes I missed from our CPR recertification because my body decided to reject lunch. Nobody notices that I don’t participate in activities anymore because I’m too tired to do anything but take care of my cat and collapse.

What is the point of being perceived of looking good if your quality of life sucks? Thanks, but I feel like crap. I’ll take fat and not feeling like crap over looking like 92% of myself and feeling like 20% of my self.

Gingeroid Sig

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Beth permalink
    November 20, 2014 11:02 am

    A friend of mine was recently complimented on Facebook for her thin physique. Most of us paying any attention whatsoever to her posts know that this is because she suffers from IBS and Celiac. Someone even commented that maybe if she ever needs to lose some weight quickly, she could have a little gluten!! Thankfully, she said that she would never voluntarily do that to herself.

    This is a frustrating situation you are dealing with and I hope at least that your blood work gives you some answers. I have no doubt that your coworkers don’t notice you sweating bullets and/or disappearing for bathroom breaks; we are all a little caught up in our own worlds.. I have rapidly lost weight from either unfortunate situations (breakups) or sicknesses, and I still remember the single time someone expressed concern about me. It’s like people don’t look at your face or your eyes and notice how tired you look when something like that happens.. they just notice that you’re thinner.

    • Jennifer Hansen permalink
      November 22, 2014 2:09 am

      “Maybe if she ever needs to lose some weight quickly, she could have a little gluten!!”

      I could never be a hacker, but if I were I would plant a virus that bellows “WHAT THE ACTUAL F—?” through the speakers whenever somebody dares to toss off something like this!

    • gingeroid permalink
      November 23, 2014 1:48 pm

      Ugh, why? I envy people who don’t know what that’s inviting.

      Thanks. I just gave up 12 tubes of blood. Hopefully there’s an answer in one of them.

  2. November 20, 2014 11:25 am

    “What is the point of being perceived of looking good if your quality of life sucks?” This is perfect.

  3. November 20, 2014 12:28 pm

    What is the point of being perceived of looking good if your quality of life sucks? Thanks, but I feel like crap. I’ll take fat and not feeling like crap over looking like 92% of myself and feeling like 20% of my self.

    This says it all. It speaks volumes about the way our society views looks vs. quality of life that so few people have noticed the fact that you’re not longer participating in activities you used to enjoy. That should be a red flag to those who care, but as Beth mentioned, people don’t notice the warning signs; they only notice the smaller space you inhabit.

    • gingeroid permalink
      November 23, 2014 1:44 pm

      My personal favorite is the phrase, “takes care of herself.” What that implies versus all the aspects of self-care is ridiculous.

  4. Purple peonies permalink
    November 20, 2014 11:09 pm

    I lost 30% of my body weight in a short period, but after a very long illness where I was going to lots of specialists trying to find out what’s wrong. I stepped on a scale at a new office, and what visibly shocked at the number. (Still plenty fat, but smaller than my teenage years.) the nurse asked about it, and I told her what the change was. She congratulated me and was exited for me. This was after I’d told her how sick id been, how many specialists I’d been seeing, and how I had to stop working.

    Others expressed envy when I mentioned it. I thought it would confirm how shitty I was feeling but they didn’t care about that and only cared that I was suddenly less fat and how positive that was.

    It would have made me sick if I wasn’t already ridiculously sick.

    (Btw: I used to say “maybe I should save myself some time and just flush my dinner down the toilet.” Totally relate. Hope you find something to help.)

    • gingeroid permalink
      November 23, 2014 1:43 pm

      At least the toilet would eat well, right?

  5. November 23, 2014 11:09 am

    Some of your symptoms make me think you’re hyperthyroid. I hope the docs are following up with you.

    • gingeroid permalink
      November 23, 2014 1:42 pm

      I have Hashimoto’s so it tends to alternate. I just got my levels checked again, though I haven’t seen the results yet.

  6. Marilyn permalink
    November 24, 2014 12:49 pm

    I had that happen when I was sick two years ago. My doctor didn’t see my weight loss as a problem. I still had energy to exercise regularly. It turned out that I lost nearly forty pounds due to ulcers. I had to ask to see a specialist since my GP saw nothing wrong with me going from overweight to normal weight.

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