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Being Fat and Winning in the Face of Challenge

December 8, 2014

Weight LossFat PoliticsFat HealthExerciseMy Boring-Ass LifeDickweedDiet Talk

Trigger warning: Weight loss discussion.

I have recently found myself saying that I welcome challenges to my way of thinking and beliefs. I say that because I find that having the discussion about why I feel, think and believe the way that I do helps me to re-feel all the Startfeelings that brought me to this place I am in today. It helps me to confirm to myself the stuff that defines who I am and why I am this way.

And it gives me an opportunity to open up a new possibility for someone else.

Because most of the time, these conversations are not being held with the curious, but with the skeptical. Some of them deem themselves “health nuts” and some of them are just die-hard believers in the system of “weight loss makes folks healthier.”

And both are perfectly fine.

I am not on a journey to convince others that my way is the best or right way. I am simply on a journey to bring my truth to the world to be heard by those who need to hear it.

And you will know if you are one of them when you “feel alllll the feels” (as one reader said) or when my words resonate with you or when you feel as if I’m telling your story when I tell mine.

So, with no further ado, I humbly (and excitedly!) present my second published article on Elephant Journal, “How to be Fat & Win”:

I’ve never ignored the fact that I am fat, on the contrary, I’ve always been keenly aware of this fact.

Numerous times I’ve referred to myself as fat in front of friends and have always received a response similar to, “Don’t say that about yourself — you’ve got a pretty face.” And so I’ve always been focused on that.

The things that were pretty about me, making sure I emphasized them, making sure they were taken good care of. Because in spite of being fat, I was pretty or had nice eyes or a great smile or was funny.

But after college I decided I would finally do something about that fat. I’d do a diet and stick to it. I’d join a gym and sweat it all away. And that’s when the conversations started to change for me — still the practical realist referring to herself as fat.

“At least you’re trying to do something about it,” some would say. “I see you working out and you should be proud of yourself,” said others. And I took pride in that. I was fat, but I was a good fat person. People were, for once, accepting me in spite of my size.

I was a member of Team Good Fatty.

I wasn’t one of those bad fat people sitting around all day eating chips and watching TV. I was working on my fitness, eating healthy foods, and paying attention to my calorie intake. I was exercising my self-control.

But I was miserable inside.

In spite of all my efforts, I still didn’t look like Workout Barbie when I was on the elliptical machine pounding out the miles. I was still wearing clothes I could only find in the plus-sized section. I was secretly binging on those “bad for you” foods and wondering why I was such a loser, why I couldn’t get myself together.

Why I couldn’t lose the weight.

I wondered if there was another way…

Let’s win togetherRead the rest here on Elephant Journal.

Love Your Chub Sig

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